dead

loneliness kill souls.
it really does.
sometimes, ketika masalah gue berat banget, disitu gue baru tersadarkan.
all this time, i really dont have anyone around me.
no friends, no boyfriend, no brother, no parents, nothing.
i'm fighting for myself, with myself.
it really does stuck in my mind, that all this time what i actually looking for, is within myself.

ketika gue mempertanyakan kenapa sih ga ada yang bisa ngertiin gue, gue menemukan jawaban.
cuma gue sendiri yang bisa ngertiin diri gue.
cuma gue sendiri yang ngerti maunya apa.
cuma gue sendiri yang gue butuhin.
ga ada yang bisa mengerti gue lebih dari diri gue sendiri.

intinya, jangan berharap banget sama orang lain.
berharaplah sama diri sendiri, dan bantuan tangan-tangan Tuhan disekitar kita.

P.S.
someone once asked me "Bel lu tuh ya ada aja yg bisa dilakuin buat bikin orang ketawa. Bahagia banget kayaknya hidup lu, kayak ga ada beban aja. Ga capek apa lu ngelawak mulu?"

and i answered, hardly saying it "i think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. because they know what its like to feel worthless and they dont want anyone else to feel it."